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Don't plan to have kids in the hope of saving a failing marriage

People who get married in their 20s and even their early 30s often find that they grow apart from their spouse after the first few years. This can lead to feelings of intense dissatisfaction with the marriage and wishing for a better connection, like you used to have when you first met.

In some cases, it is possible for couples going through a hard time to foster new connections with one another and deepen their relationship. However, doing so requires considerable focus and commitment from both spouses. There is no quick and easy fix to keeping a relationship strong and happy. Despite what Hollywood depicts in movies and TV shows, small children cannot be the cement that holds together a parental relationship.

Babies place strain on a marriage instead of making it stronger

Having children is a wonderful experience, provided that both you and your spouse want children. There is a deep and profound love that comes with creating a new life, as well as the satisfaction that comes from caring for a child as it grows and develops. It is important to understand that babies are also a source of strain and stress.

Even with a healthy pregnancy and complication-free birth, a new baby will shake up your life. Trying to juggle work and a small child is very difficult, even if one spouse has paid parental leave available. You can expect to experience extreme sleep deprivation, as infants wake up every few hours for food and diaper changing. There will also be the responsibility and pressure that comes from never being able to leave the baby alone for even a second.

Couples with strong and healthy relationships can find themselves arguing and snapping at one another while caring for a newborn. Couples who were already struggling before the birth will likely find their issues exacerbated by the presence of a small child. In other words, having a baby will add a whole new source of stress on your marriage. It could be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back and leads you to divorce.

Divorce becomes much more complex when there are children

Having a marriage not work out is not the end of the world. Most people bounce back with minimal issue after a divorce, provided they commit themselves to personal growth and learn something from the experience.

When you are married without children, obtaining a divorce is relatively straightforward. You will have to consider how to divide your assets, but other than that you will be able to completely sever ties with your former spouse.

If you have children, you will never be able to simply walk away from your ex. Shared custody will mean seeing one another frequently, and even if one person gets sole custody, you will still see each other during visitation and major family events.

If you find that you want children but you worry about the stability of your marriage, it may be time to look at your plans for life and whether staying married is your best option. Instead of having a child to save a failing marriage, you might want to think about leaving your unhappy marriage so that you can find someone who will share the joy and struggles of building a family with you.

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Mary Kay Kramer, P.C.
1820 West Colorado Avenue
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