You and your spouse were both part of the local lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) community before you became a couple, so you've shared many of the same friends for years.
Then your marriage fell apart and it seemed like all of the people you thought were your friends just mysteriously vanished. You stopped getting invitations to parties, and you've heard that people have been talking about you behind your back.
Why do some supposedly "good" friends vanish when a divorce occurs? Here are some possibilities:
- They were closer with your spouse. Sometimes you inherit friends by default when you get married -- but they never develop a truly close relationship with you. Those friends may simply choose to (consciously or unconsciously) pick your spouse over you when they aren't capable of remaining friends with you both.
- They may be worried your divorce will be contagious. Studies have shown that any divorce inside your social circle increases the odds that you'll also get a divorce. That's largely because it can be inspiring to watch someone else reclaim their freedom when you're feeling discontent in your own relationship.
- Some people will judge you. Rarely is one spouse in a divorce "all good" and the other "all bad," but people often view others' relationships with a jaded eye. Anyone who decides that you are at fault for the breakup may treat it like a moral failing on your part and decide to stay away.
Ultimately, you can't control the way that other people react to the news of your divorce. All you can do is take the appropriate steps to have a fair divorce with as much grace as possible.